...But he has other videos and through watching those, I got to find out what else he really believes in, and it's not pleasant either. You see, in the aftermath of the Isla Vista killings, the hashtag #Yesallwomen quickly caught popularity on Twitter as women responded to the misogyny* that motivated Elliot Rodger to murder 6 people in cold blood. Through this hashtag, women are sharing their stories of being victimized and mistreated by a sexist culture that values their looks and bodies over their own autonomy, the same culture that ingrained an attitude of entitlement into Elliot Rodger. Now what does that have to do with Deterlucem? Well, he just doesn't seem to like this whole idea of #yesallwomen because he believes that it's basically those dastardly feminists claiming that they speak for all women, and he made a video where he aims to debunk 13 tweets from the #Yesallwomen that he got from this article.
Here is his video. By no means do I blame you if you can't make it through.
First, there are these two claims that Deterlucem keeps repeating through the whole video, and we should get these two out of the way first. One, that he believes that the title of #Yesallwomen stems from feminists' believing that they speak for all women, and two, that the women who write these tweets are blaming all men for harassment and rape, when not all men do it. Well, the title is actually a response to men constantly crying "not all men!" when in fact, all women have suffered as a result of sexism. They're not claiming that all women agree with them. And saying that not all men are responsible doesn't really help the problem. It only minimizes the issue that so many women are constantly being harassed, assaulted, and raped in the first place. They're not blaming Deterlucem and any individual man for this. I can't believe Deterlucem doesn't undertand this.
1. Emily: Because every single woman I know has a story about a man feeling entitled to access to her body, Every. Single. One.
What he thinks: Deterlucem is just completely baffled by this tweet. He doesn't understand what kind of sexual entitlement she's talking about here. He wonders whether she's addressing men who just want a relationship to become physical or if she's implying that women never feel entitled to a man's body.
What I say: Sexual entitlement can manifest itself in a variety of ways. This can range from street harassment to employees coercing other employees into doing sexual favors, from a man you barely know thinking it's okay to touch you just because of what you're wearing to your boyfriend (or girlfriend) who constantly pushes your boundaries so they can get you to have sex with them. In all these cases, someone feels sexually entitled because they believe that their sexual gratification is more important than your right to have your body to yourself. Of course, it's natural that someone may want a relationship to become physical but there's a distinction between what Deterlucem thinks Emily is calling out and this:
2. Rylah: "I have a boyfriend" is the easiest way to get a man to leave you alone. Because he respects another man more than you.
What he thinks: Deterlucem again thinks that this tweet is denouncing innocuous boy-girl interaction on the grounds that if the guy leaves the girl alone, it's simply because she's no longer available. Not because the guy respects her boyfriend more than her.
What I say: Has he really considered what Rylah is talking about here? Maybe she's not talking about being at a bar while a guy approaches her just to ask her out. Maybe she's talking about a guy who won't leave her alone even when she states that she is busy or not interested. Maybe she's talking about a guy who keeps trying to get her attention when her body language clearly says that she's not in the mood. Maybe this guy thinks that it's okay to ask her personal information when they barely met. Maybe he thinks that he's automatically worth her time of the day. Maybe she realizes that this guy doesn't really care about anything she has to say. Maybe they're not even at a bar. He might be following her around on the sidewalk while making comments like "Hey beautiful, what's your number?" Maybe at that point, she decides enough's enough and says "I have a boyfriend". At that moment, he's gone like the wind. 'Cause that's the only thing she said that ever mattered to him. Not her own humanity, but the fact that she had a boyfriend. Consider that, Deterlucem.
3. Leah Pickett: Because every woman I know has experienced some form of sexual harassment, abuse, or assault, myself included.
What he thinks: Deterlucem agrees that this is horrible but later goes on to say that she's not speaking for all women because not all women have been raped so ha!
What I say: Again, the title comes from the fact that all women have suffered sexism, not that these women claim to speak for all women. Get it through your head! And by the way, how does Deterlucem remain unconvinced by this tweet? I would think that the fact that situations like that of Leah exist should convince everyone in the world that rape, sexual assault, and harassment is a pervasive evil in women's lives. When one in 6 American women have been raped and 31% of female workers have been sexually harassed, one seriously has to doubt how far removed they really are from this issue. True, not all women have suffered this, but how can we pretend that any woman is safe?
4. Deanna Raybourn: I've spent 19 yrs teaching my daughter how not to be raped. How long have you spent teaching your son not to rape?
What he thinks: Deterlucem feels offended. He responds "Why not teach your daughter not to rape?" and states it's offensive to ask that parents teach their male children not to rape because it assumes that by default, they'll grow to be rapists. He does understand that teaching consent to both genders is good, but is otherwise baffled by how one would teach their son not to rape.
What I say: I actually kind of agree with Deterlucem. We should teach our daughters not to rape. We should teach the importance of consent to both our sons and daughters. We should empathize respecting your sexual partner, developing empathy for both men and women, understanding each other's boundaries, avoiding coercing others into sexual activity, and the value of an equitable relationship. And that's exactly how we would teach our sons not to rape. Also, I don't think Deanna is suggesting that men are by default rapists. The issue is that today's youth have a very distorted sense of consent and young men often fail to see how serious sexual assault is to the point that they laugh at it. And I know that "not all men!" but these young men are someone's sons also, and I doubt their parents ever talked to them about the issue of rape. Think about the teenage boys who were convicted of raping a 16-year old girl in Steubenville. They did an absolutely awful thing but I don't think they're complete monsters. Their parents never taught them about the value of meaningful consent and respecting women as human beings. Those parents never would have imagined that their sons would have done such a thing. If they had taught their boys, maybe we'd see a different future.
My point is that while we'd like to hope that our sons will grow up to be caring and considerate human beings, we cannot be sure that they won't end up violating a woman or man's integrity. Especially considering that 1 in 10 teens have coerced someone into doing some form of sexual activity. At that point, it should be clear that it's not just a few bad people who are coercing, assaulting, or raping other people, that it's a sign that something is very, very wrong with the way we view sexual activity. We need to stop devoting so much time and energy teaching women all these rape prevention lessons that don't solve the problem but help men who rape get away unpunished, and start focusing on teaching all our children to respect one another.
5. Buisiness Sam: b/c not returning someone's feelings, or as society calls it putting them in the "friend zone", should not make me feel guilty.
What he thinks: "Well yes, it bloody well should!" Deterlucem believes (quite indignantly) that "friendzoning" is when a person leads someone on who has romantic feelings for them and never acknowledges it, treating them as if they were mere friends.
What I say: Ah yes, the friend zone. I totes know about the friend zone. Yes, I agree that it's terrible when someone doesn't return your feelings and they lead you on, and that's how Deterlucem defines it . But is that what's really going on most of the time when men complain about the friend zone?I bet that for over 90% of these assholes who gripe about the "friend zoning bitch", what really happened is that the girl didn't know about his feelings in the first place, and when she found out, she just didn't feel the same way. "Friend zoning" is rarely used anymore to mean being led on and having your heart broken. Guys mainly use it nowadays to demonize women who simply don't return the feelings back. It's misogynistic as hell because it puts the woman at fault. Why not call it unrequited love? And why assume Business Sam is leading a guy on, Deterlucem? Maybe she just doesn't return his feelings and will not take being faulted of "friend zoning" just for not complying to what he wants.
6. Jennifer Laughran: In college, we'd regularly find girls who had been roofie'd and left passed out in the parking lot next to our dorm. REGULARLY.
What he thinks: Deterlucem thinks this is terrible also, but says that these women should probably learn from this experience and just follow safety rules so ha!
What I say: Apparently, the whole point of these tweets hasn't quite made its way into Deterlucem's brain because nothing he said about this tweet was anything other the rehashing of the same old tired precautions that we expect women to follow all the time. I mean, advice like watching your drink and going with someone to a bar does work to an extent, but even so, women still do get raped by men, and an unsympathetic, accusative attitude is very often the norm when it comes to these women. Why should women have to go through life constantly fearing for their bodily and sexual integrity? Why is it that most people's automatic approach is to blame the victim as if she hasn't already blamed herself a thousand times already. Nothing Deterlucem said here did anything but to perpetuate rape culture and victim-blaming, and that is made obvious when he says that the only way these incidents will stop "is if women learn to protect themselves too". Did men not commit these rapes? Deterlucem just forgot about the instigators of these rapes in the first place.
(I don't know if you see this, but at the end of his little "rebuttal", Deterlucem turns to the camera with a brief yet smug and satisfied look on his face, as if he's done something impressive. Considering what he just said beforehand, it's quite offensive and makes me want to tear his smile off his face.)
I'll think I'll end it here for today, and continue the rest of rebuttals in another post, but we should consider what we've learned so far from this dude. While he does possess some sort of sympathy for these women who have suffered from rape, assault, and sexual harassment, it seems that the crucial thing he lacks is empathy for these women. Why else would he bother making a 25 minute video debunking these tweets? To me, it's pretty clear that this guy does not take these issues seriously and is just interested in shutting down feminism and any discussion of sexism.
To be continued here.
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