Again, here is his video.
7. Michelle Wiss: Because I used to tip car drivers 40% for "not raping and killing me" when I was in high school.
What he thinks: Deterlucem is quite offended by this tweet. He believes that Michelle must be really insecure and paranoid, and that if her behavior stems from a bad incident with a car driver, then maybe she should stop placing herself in "bad situations".
What I say: Admittedly, I think this tweet is kind of silly. I mean, paying people extra money just because they treat you like a decent human being? But I won't judge Michelle for her actions. If this was what she did to feel safe and thank people for their decency, then we should probably focus less on her actions themselves and more on why she did them. And I don't think it's necessarily insecurity. Maybe her behavior was due to a traumatic incident with a cab driver, and as mentioned above, Deterlucem does touch upon that for a moment but he immediately goes toward victim-blaming, demanding that she just stop putting herself in situations with cab drivers if she's that fearful. I don't understand how it doesn't occur to him that maybe Michelle had little alternative besides taking cab services. As much as he'd like to reduce the issue of rape to simple precaution taking, we still need to address the idea that so many men find it acceptable to sexually assault women in the first place.
8. Kate Tuttle: Girls grow up knowing it's safer to give a fake phone number than to turn a guy down.
What he thinks: "Really? Really?" Deterlucem's reponse can be summarized in these three reactions: disbelief, "not all men!", and "take care of yourself". And he's offended. Again.
What I say: Yeah, Deterlucem. Really. I'm guessing he hasn't heard that story about the guy who stabbed a girl to death for rejecting his invitation to prom. Of course, that's an extreme example of what can happen if you reject a guy but my point (and I think Kate's point) is that girls often don't know the intentions and characters of the guys who ask them out. Maybe the guy is really nice and caring and respectful, but maybe he isn't that, and some girls are just afraid to turn the guy down, especially if he seems the aggressive type, so they legitimately feel that giving a fake phone number rather than directly turning them down is the safer option. It's not so really "all men out there are rapists!" but it's much more "I don't know who you really are or what you want with me. I'd like to believe you're decent but maybe you're not and I may not feel safe with you". That's the outlook with which many women grow up because they live in a world where sexual assault is so common. Of course, not all men who ask a girl out will hurt them, but how do you know who these guys are?
And I think it's a little bit hypocritical that Deterlucem is accusing Kate of living in "a paranoid delusional world" when he keeps calling in the video for women to take precautions and avoid bad situations and so on and so forth. Isn't Kate describing a possible precaution that women could take to protect themselves? I mean, he complains that the tweet lacks context but he must have no imagination because it's not hard to come up with one. In a scenario where a guy keeps pursuing a girl when she's not interested, the girl might realize that he doesn't really respect her autonomy that much and he may pose a danger to her so giving him a fake phone number may solve that problem in a much safer way. . I'm confident if Deterlucem would approach these women, they would not automatically suspect him of wanting to hurt them. He doesn't understand what Kate is saying. He may be a super nice guy but women cannot know that for sure at a first glance. To expect that women let their guard down to him in order to not insult his feelings is to expect women to let their guard down to all men, and that's disrespectful to their need for safety.
9. Ashley Ford: When I had a seizure in my home, the EMS guys asked my roommates if it was possible I was trying to get a boy's attention.
What he thinks: He says that the tweet lacks context, and is terrible but then blames her for not taking control of the situation.
What I say: I don't know, man. 140 characters isn't quite enough room to account for everything in a story. You say that it's an isolated incident but are you so sure? Would those EMS guys have said the same thing if it were a guy having a seizure? Sexism is sneaky, bro.
10. Leigh Alexander: Because when someone writes threats about us online, Twitter says that it is 'not abuse', not a warning sign, not even unusual.
What he thinks: Deterlucem states that men also receive online threats on Twitter and that Leigh should live in "the real world" and stop expecting "special treatment". He also recommends that if women are uncomfortable, then that they either leave Twitter or call the abusers out.
What I say: Yeah, men get harassed too on the internet but not nearly to the extent that women face on the internet just for being female or even , God forbid, feminist. For example, last year feminist activist Caroline Criado-Perez suffered a huge backlash on Twitter as she received 50 abusive tweets per hour for a 12-hour period. The tweets she received ranged from misogynistic insults to murder and rape threats. About 72% of those who reported being cyberbullied are female and feminine usernames on chatrooms receive about 100 explicit/threatening messages daily compared to male ones only receiving about 3.
Clearly, online harassment is often gendered, and Deterlucem is basically telling women to not complain about harassment. Sure, the internet does breed anonymity, but since when did that mean having to accept that these assholes say misogynistic crap? If this is the "real world", then we need to CHANGE that environment instead of assuming that sexist jerks will be an inherent part of it and that women have to leave if they don't like it. It's not asking for "special treatment" to expect that women be treated with respect on online spaces. If it's anyone who's not living in the real world, it's probably Deterlucem for so easily dismissing the reality of women's harassment on the internet. I mean, seriously? Why in the world should anyone have to stop visiting a website just because they feel unsafe? Would he tell that to a person of color who receives racist comments on Twitter? Would he tell him or her that s/he needs to stop expecting special treatment? I doubt it. And while he does encourage Leigh to call out her abusers, he doesn't seem to understand that what's she is doing by contributing to this Twitter Hashtag! With that tweet, she's bringing the issue to attention. Online Harassment is a serious issue that needs to be considered, and Deterlucem disregards it without a second thought.
11. Selin Kara: Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them- Margaret Atwood.
What he thinks: He doesn't care who Margaret Atwood is, and he thinks the quote is nonsense because "Not all men"! And then he mentions something about domestic violence and rape being equal on gender lines to argue that men have just as much to fear as women.
What I say: Margaret Atwood is an esteemed poet and novelist among other things, known best for her feminist classic The Handmaid's Tale. So maybe he should care. I even recommend it to Deterlucem. I think that I have already covered most of what Deterlucem says afterwards on the topic of not all men being murderers or rapists so I won't repeat it again. As to his mentioning domestic violence and rape, where is he getting that information from? Are those stories he's mentioning about women attacking and extorting men really as common as he suggests? Where are the statistics for those?
12. Soraya Chemaly: BC when my husband asks me to slow down when we walk together I realize he hasn't spend his life avoiding street harassment.
What he thinks: Deterlucem has never seen harassment and he lives on a college campus! There's even a stereotypical construction site and the workers there don't catcall women! What are those wimmin complaining about? People stare at him and he deals fine with it!
What I say: Maybe you should have stopped talking and have moved on. Are you kidding me?! You've never seen it so it must not happen? Over 65% of women in the US have experienced street harassment! Granted, not all women have gone through it but that's quite a lot. You might think that you're really observant but you're not omniscient. I promise you that a thousand things go on behind your back and right under your nose that you never notice. The fact that you have to mention that dumb construction site at your college shows how privileged you are. It shows that you really don't know anything about sexual harassment beyond what movies and TV shows have told you. And the goddamn fact that you tell Soraya that people stare at you daily and that you deal with it just fine tells me that you have NO idea what street harassment is like because you've never been confronted by it or bothered to learn about it. I, as a male, have never experienced street harassment but I don't pretend that I know more about it than the women who suffer it on a daily basis.
13. AB: Because when a girl is harassed or even groped by a stranger in public, we're told to "take it as a compliment".
What he thinks: Deterlucem really doubts this tweet and says that almost no one would say something like this. And then he says that sexual harassment happens to men too so ha!
What I say: Admittedly, I don't know much about this specific response to sexual harassment so I'm probably not qualified to give a complete counter-argument toward Deterlucem's reasoning here, but I will say this. If you go on Google and type Sexual Harassment is not a compliment, you will receive 819,000 results so it's probably not that uncommon of a response to sexual harassment. And since women are socialized from childhood to believe that their worth lies in their desirability toward men, it stands to reason that some people will dismiss sexual harassment with that in mind. Also, I'm aware that men are also victims of sexual harassment and that their cases are ignored also, but so what? What I mean to say by that is: how is that an argument against what AB has said? Doesn't that show sexual harassment affects both genders and is often not taken seriously in the first place? Clearly, the problem is that people often don't pay enough attention to sexual harassment of both genders. Deterlucem brings up a legitimate point when it comes to male victims. I'm sure feminists would love to discuss those issues too but unfortunately, it seems that MRAs only bring them up as a political weapon against feminists.
14. Amber Naslund: Because I shouldn't have to wonder how posting my experiences to #YesAllWomen will affect my job. And it will.
What he thinks: Deterlucem thinks that maybe the reason Amber is worried about what her bosses might think is because she's a misandrist bigot who thinks all men are rapists. And he would fire her for creating a hostile work envirionment.
What I say: I sincerely hope that Deterlucem never gets into a position of hiring authority because based on what he's said here, he seems like an asshole who would fire a woman just because she's calling out sexism or challenging the way she's mistreated. I have the feeling that Deterlucem is showing more of his true side, that he equates women sharing their experience of sexism to misandry. None of the tweets that we have covered in this series have come even close misandry. If anything's wrong, it's Deterlucem's perspective.
15. Carrie K: In college, a police officer told us to scream FIRE if we were in danger of being assaulted otherwise people wouldn't get involved.
What he thinks: Deterlucem argues that the reason people wouldn't get involved is because they don't want to get hurt by the assaulter.
What I say: Deterlucem does have a point here but I would say that rapists/assailants aren't necessarily physically violent and that sometimes the possibility of someone coming to help is enough to scare that person away. Unfortunately, many people seem to think that rapists are a different category of men altogether and that they're violent monsters which isn't necessarily the case either. Also, I don't like how Deterlucem frames this as women needing to learn to not always depend on others which is rather reminiscent of victim blaming.
16. Anne T. Donnahue: Because when I call out somebody for making a sexist joke or comment online, I worry I'll burn professional bridges.
What he thinks: He doesn't really understand why this is a problem as he says that Anne could simply report it to a higher-up.
What I say: Well, it's not really that easy. Unfortunately, women who report sexual harassment are often labeled "troublemakers" and that stigma does limit women's professional opportunities because companies will often be reluctant to hire them. It's a sad dilemma. Damned if you don't, damned if you do.
17. Neil Gaiman: The #YesAllwomen hashtag is filled with hard, true, sad, and angry things. I can empathize & try to understand & know I never entirely will.
What he says: "*sigh* White knighting is not a good thing to do, sir"
What I say: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! What the hell was that? Deterlucem says that he lost all respect for Neil because he's "pandering" to the feminist community. No. What Neil did was express his unity with women who suffered all forms of sexist abuses and simultaneously acknowledge that even he can't fully identify with their struggles. However, it was light years beyond what Deterlucem would have done. I cannot believe that someone who claims to be an egalitarian would have a problem with what Neil is saying. Also, if you don't know what a "white knight" is, you should know that it's a bizarre, virulent little word thrown around by MRAS to denote any man who doesn't subscribe or agree with their misogyny. It's the sexist version of "n*gger lover". Seriously, the fact that people have a problem with men supporting women against sexism makes me wish that a meteorite had exterminated all life on this godforsaken planet thousands of years ago before humanity would have taken its first doomed breath. Genuinely.
I think that I can say that I have lost most of my respect for Deterlucem. He goes on to talk about what he's "learned" from the #Yesallwomen tweets, finishing by stating he's convinced once more that feminist ideas are toxic. Hmm, let's talk about we've learned from this guy!
Deterlucem is a tool of the patriarchy. He is mansplaining personified. He is so blinded by his male privilege that it's close to impossible for him to try to comprehend women's issues. He's almost completely ignorant about the reality of rape and sexual harassment for women but he goes on anyway to assert that his clearly biased and uninformed perspective is objective reality, believing that the women who have actually experienced these issues are irrational nutcases. He claims to sympathize with women, only to later blame them for their situation a few moments later. He's also not a man of subtlety, seeing as he consistently fails to understand what these tweets are actually advocating for and keeps resorting to the exhausted argument of "not all men!" as if feminists haven't heard it countless times already. Deterlucem is perennially offended by the idea that things aren't fair for women because that means that he , as a man, has an unfair advantage and that just wouldn't do. He wants to pretend that these issues aren't about gender and deny the fact that women bear the brunt of these abuses globally. Lastly, he fancies himself a progressive while having notions about women's rights that have the potential to hurl us back to the 1950s.
From what I've seen of Deterlucem's channel, he seems concerned about social justice issues. However, his views concerning women's rights and feminism are toxic to any discussion of social justice. I think that's enough on sexist dudes for a fortnight.
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